Hamilton knocks on the door and out with a excited face comes.............

Ron!


"Here ya go Lewis, as promised on getting your 1st win" Says Ron as he passes Lewis a.......

a free cinema ticket, at the cinema he bumps into.....

Barry Scott....

...who was auditioning to become the new ITV F1 commentator because James Allen was fired due to the infamous "potato incident".

Infact he used cilit bang on James and in minutes he was gone!

Barry got the job (he dissolved the rest of the candidates) His 1st time for commentating is at the US GP. Martin has just come up to the box from doing his grid walk when......

...he saw Jenson Button sitting in the corner of the commentary booth wearing nothing but a nappy, clutching a teddy bear and saying to a confused Barry Scott "are you my mummy? Where is my mummy?"

"He's been like this for hours," said Barry.

...he then spots James Allen masturbating over a picture of Lewis Hamilton. Unable to believe that James had ditched his previous love of Jenson Buttock, nor survived the Cilit Bang incident, he immediately...

looks at the picture in his wallet that shows Norbert masturbating over pictures of Michael Schumacher and feels a lot better about his own dirty habit knowing others are out there like him. He looks.....

and notices that this thread remained clean for all of 7 posts <doh>

(note: it's a story thread, 6 clean posts is probably a record high ;))

<think> * wonders what sort of stories, cpg's been reading <yikes>*

Best not to think about it <roflmao>

at the pic again, and notices '© The Saint' in the corner, indicating that it was just a figment of some strange person's imagination. However, at that moment,

...Christijan Albers burst into the room for some reason.

That he could no longer remember. So he left muttering.....

"...must have been a rip in the space/time continuum!" muttered Albers as he strode off.

Meanwhile, in Transylvania, the Dark Lord Ecclestone was sitting in the Throne Room of his Fortress of Doom. Suddenly,...

.... Robert Kubica enters!

"Congratulations, Mr. Kubica," Ecclestone says in a sinister manner vaguely reminiscent of an evil genius from some movie or other, "Your crash on Sunday tripled my viewing figures!"

As Ecclestone throws his head back into a stereotypically evil laugh, The Beak turns round to see....

Max standing there with a rope

"You gave the public something entertaining to watch! You have ruined my masterplan! How dare you!"

So Max takes Kubica, ties his hands up and..................

Robert stabs him to death with his viciously sharp nose. Free of his stupid plans for the future seasons and all the multi-race parts, energy recovery systems etc, F1 flourishes. Lewis Hamilton wins 16 straight titles, while Fernando Alonso gets ever more facially sulky in interviews and ends up winning the World Gurning Championships despite just being in the queue for the beer tent....

Meanwhile, Max returns to the Formula One paddock, seemingly back from the dead. A bemused Charlie Whiting meets him.

"Max - what are you doing here? We thought you were dead!" says Charlie.
"Me dead? No!" says Max.
"Well, that's a relief, Max" says Charlie.
"Max is not my name!" states Max.
"Well....then what is it?" asks Charlie.

Max pushes Charlie Whiting off the start gantry and on to the track below. He lands with a sickening splat.

"I prefer to be known as The Master!" shouts Max.

Meanwhile...

....in the intervening years Bernie Ecclestone has died from suspected auto-erotic asphyxiation, and has been replaced as the head of Formula One Management by Flavio Briatore.

Back from the dead, The Master walks into Ecclestone's office to find Briatore sitting at the desk, entirely shielded from view by fifteen grid girls.

"Flavio!" chokes The Master. "What's going on?"

"Well," explains Flavio....

"I have decided to destroy your evil plan. I have banned traction control, introduced simple aerodynamics and made gravel traps only half an acre wide. Max - we have made F1 exciting and there's nothing you can do about it!" Flavio then bursts into a fit of evil laughter while the two half-naked girls beside him feed him grapes and wine.

The Master is outraged by this, feeling his evil plan of having cars who cannot overtake ruined. The Master then walks out thinking about what to do. Then..............

....he comes up with a brilliant plan to make Formula One dull again.

Max changes the regulations so that only Ferrari are allowed to score points, and all technological innovations not designed by Ferrari are immediately banned.

"Oh no!" says a horrified Fernando Alonso. "It's 2006 all over again!"

The Master throws back his head and laughs in an evil manner vaguely reminiscent of Bernie Ecclestone several years ago. But suddenly ....

Max looks out of his office window and sees the mclaren drivers have a huge on track battle.

Max says "We can't be having that, that is entertaining"

Bernie suggests that team mates can no longer overtake each other.

Max:"Great idea, that will surely make things dull with mclaren about to dominate the season"

However.............

....Max realises that Bernie is dead, and he is having a conversation with a ghost.

Bernie then confirms this to Max by walking across a nearby lake.

"Hey!" says Lewis Hamilton, having just stepped out of the press conference from his 265th Grand Prix victory. "I thought only I could do that!"

Bernie's ghost smiles, and says....

(but Ron had got there first)

You have much to learn, young Hamilton....

"Bollocks do I" shouts Hamilton as he grabs a Ghostbusters backpack that had been left conveniently close by......

Ralf, who feels like a Ghostbuster as he lives on the past of his brother's glory. Ralf then runs with his dollar-sign bag from the scene, but before Hamilton can get his shot in on Bernie, the ghost of Senna appears in front of him.

"You cannot shoot him" says Senna. "You must unite against the common ememy - The Master!". So Hamilton decides to plot a plan against The Master with the ghost of Senna. But suddenly......................

...as if by magic, the shopkeeper appeared....

...and a voice calls out behind them "You'll have to get past me first!"

Hamilton and the Senna-ghost whirl round to see Bernie in a wheelchair.

"Bernie?" says Hamilton.
"It's not Bernie! That was my human disguise. I...AM...DAVROS!" came the reply.

Hamilton decides he isn't having any of this, and...

....turns Fernando Alonso into wine.

"That's not a miracle!" proclaims Martin Brundle, who had just wandered onto the scence. "He was whining before anyway!"

Then everyone collapses in laughter, except for....

....Zsolt Baumgartner.

Who just didn't get the joke so.....

...he went home and cried into his goulash.

Meanwhile, at Spyker...

Ralf was getting his new seat fitting for next year.

It was a nice executive leather chair, from which he could teach the drivers how to be really slow and moan about everything, while getting paid more than most other drivers...

But as he got settled, he seen his brother Micheal on the TV with an even bigger chair, so Ralf demanded a bigger chair as well for being Michael's brother.

Colin Kolles wasn't having any of this. So he took his off his Burberry hat, reached into his pocket and....................

.....gave ralf a £20 note so he could go out and buy an extra cushion. When Ralf got to the cushion shop, they had none he liked so he.......